You have just said something wrong. The other person is looking at you with a red angry face, but the issue is not about what you’ve said, it’s about what they’ve heard.

  你说错话了,对方正怒火中烧的看着你,往往这类问题的关键不是在于你说了什么,而是他们听到的东西。

  There are some sentences that act like deadly silent ninjas, killing self-confidence and antagonizing your friends, family and colleagues—the worst thing is that you might not even realize it.

  下面这几句话可以看成是致命的沉默忍者,抹杀自信,敌对朋友,家人和同事——最糟糕的的就是你甚至都意识不到。

  Here are 6 things you should never say to someone:

  下面这六句话你千万不要对别人说:

  1. “I don’t care”

  “我无所谓”

  What they hear: “Leave me alone. I have better things to do than listen to you.”

  他们听到的是:“别管我,我懒得听你们说,我有更好的事情去做。”

  Explain why you would love to hear about that subject, and why “right now” is not the best time for you. Everybody matters. Not caring about someone is denying their existence: If people matter for you, you will matter for them.

  解释一下你对这些其实很感兴趣,只是现在不是最好的时机去倾听。每个人都很重要。不关心别人就是忽视他们的存在感,如果别人在意你,你也需要在意他们。

  2. “You’re wrong”

  “你错了”

  What they hear: “You are stupid. You know nothing. You’re worthless.”

  他们听到的是:“你是个笨蛋,你知道什么啊,你简直一文不值”。

  Prefer more tactful sentences. “I would have thought that…”, “My understanding is that…” Ask questions to make sure you and the other person are working on the same assumptions.

  不如换成更加隐晦的句子:“我早就应该想到...” “我的理解是...” 问问题能保证你和其他人在商榷同一个假设。

  3. “You can’t do it”

  “你做不到的”

  What they hear: “You don’t have what it takes to do it, no matter how hard you try; So why do you even try?”

  他们听到的是:“无论你多努力,都没有能力做到,那干嘛还要去尝试呢?”

  Why would you set someone up for failure? I understand that you don’t want your friend to have delusions, and you could feel that it is your duty to stop that person before they hurt themselves, but I would like to ask you: how can you judge what is good for somebody? And what if failure was the best path for growth? Encourage people who have chosen a challenging path.

  为什么总把别人和失败绑在一起?我懂你其实不希望你朋友产生幻觉,你觉得阻止他们是你的责任,可以使他们免于受伤,但我还是想问问你:你凭什么替别人去判断事物的好坏?失败难道不是成长最好的途径吗?对那些走在充满挑战道路上的人一丝鼓励吧。

  4. “This should be easy”

  “这个应该不难”

  What they hear: “It’s easy for most people. If you have trouble doing it, there is probably something wrong about you”

  他们听到的是:“这对大部分人来说都很简单,如果你觉得难,那就是你有问题了。”

  The level of difficulty is perceived differently by everyone, and everyone has their own Everest. If you’re telling somebody that their job is easy, then you’re undermining their contribution to society and you’re telling them they don’t deserve the salary they have.

  难度标准对于每个人而言是不一样的,每个人都有自己珠穆朗玛峰。如果你告诉别人他们的工作很简单,其实无形中你在低估他们对社会的贡献,你就是在告诉他们不配拿到那么高的工资。

  If someone is struggling and coming for help, then they have trust you enough to show you their weakness. Don’t rub their face in it by saying “This should be easy”.

  如果有人遇到问题需要帮助,他们正是因为信任你才会向你展现出自己的弱点。别再说”这不难啊“这样的话啦,跟扇他们耳光没啥区别。

  Acknowledge the challenges that people encounter and value their commitment to overcome them.

  了解人们面对的挑战,根据他们的能力帮助他们去克服。

  5. “I told you so”

  “我早就告诉过你了”

  What they hear: “You did not listen to me. That’s all your fault. I’m so much better than you.”

  他们听到的是:“你不听我的,都是你的错,我比你优秀多了。”

  This one is a common no-no. It’s useless to shoot a dead horse, especially when other person needs your help more than ever. Don’t keep tabs on who’s right and who’s wrong. If it were a competition, the one keeping tabs would be the one losing.

  这句话真心不要说。马后炮真的一点意义都没有,尤其是别人无比需要你的帮助的时候。不要再去纠结于谁是对的谁是错的。如果有个比赛,那个总是纠结的人绝对是输家。

  Help the other person, and don’t add insult to injury.

  帮助别人,不要再在别人的伤口上撒盐。

  6. “As I just said before…”

  “就像我之前说过的”

  What they hear: “You don’t listen to me. You’re making me repeat myself. You’re so annoying and dumb.”

  他们听到的是:“你不听我的,你让我重复说,多烦人多笨啊。”

  This is a very sneaky conversation killer. If someone asks you a question and you point out that you’ve already answered it, then you’re killing their willingness to learn, or even to have a slight interest in what you say.

  这绝对是对话杀手。如果有人问你问题,你指出已经回答过了,那么其实你已经扼杀了他们想要学习的欲望,甚至是对你话语的一丁点兴趣。

  Say the same thing in another way and by illustrating it differently.

  换个方式表达,这样才能与众不同一点。

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