为了提高托福写作水平,让自己的托福写作分数更高,同学们使出了浑身解数,很多同学考虑的是如何应用经典美句,如何使用高级复杂词汇以及所谓高级的句式语法,却时常忽略要先打好基础。智课网小编为考生准备了托福写作185题库独立范文及解析,考生可以通过学习范文来掌握某些表达的正确用词,也能吸取经验,找到托福高分作文的技巧,希望对广大考生有帮助。【185题库免费下载】

  The government has announced that it plans to build a new university. Some people think that your community would be a good place to locate the university. Compare the advantages and disadvantages of establishing a new university in your community. Use specific details in your discussion.

  The first advantage of having a new university built in my community would be the jobs it would bring to the community. Initially, the jobs would be those connected with the actual building of the university structures and other construction projects of related facilities.. Once built, the university would provide jobs on the campus itself. Jobs would include teachers, office workers, custodians, and librarians.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明本段主旨即在社区建立大学的好处就是为很多人提供了就业率。后面详细地对其就业的情况进行了展开,点出了社区大学带来的工作机会的多样化,看做第一个分论点。

此段功能

本段是文章首段,引出要讨论内容,帮助作者陈述观点,摆明立场,并陈述了第一个分论点——工作。

  Not all of the people the university hired would already be members of the community, so that would mean new people coming to town. Of course, new students would come as well. New people in town would create more taxpayers and a more diverse population. With more people paying taxes, there would be more money for roads, public institutions and other community projects and necessities. With a more diverse population, there would be new stores, new restaurants and new cultural interactions

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分的结构。前面两句话组成起来是本段的论点。本段可以分为两个层次。第一个层次告诉我们社区大学让我们社区有了更多的新居民,第二个层次递进地说,这样也会促进商业等等的发展。

此段功能

本段是文章的第二段,写了支持作者立场的第二个分论点。

  Of course, these advantages would also bring disadvantages. More people living in the community means more houses must be built. Between new residents and students, there would be more traffic on the streets. Plus, more people would mean more public services would be needed. These services include a diverse range from trash collection to more schools for children. New services might mean local taxes would have to go up, even though there would be more taxpayers. Another disadvantage is that the personality and dynamic of our community would change to suit this new lifestyle. It would go from being a place where everybody knows everybody else to a place where a lot of people are strangers. Short-term residents, like the university students, would become a significant demographic. But these people might not care as much about the town the older locals do.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,即有利也有弊。后面都是对弊端的分析。本段可以分为两个层次,第一个层次告诉了我们可能带来的交通问题。第二个层次告诉了我们一些人员流动性带来的新生活方式的问题。

此段功能

本段是文章的第三段,写了支持作者立场的第三个分论点。

  Communities always change over time, though, and overall I like the atmosphere of diversity and change. A new university would bring a lot of challenges both academically and socially, but I think it would be worth it.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段第一句话承接上文并且给出作者对上段的评价,即自己很喜欢change over time,第二句话重述了本文的观点,即虽然建立新的大学会给社会或学术上带来很多挑战(这里可以理解为problem)作者还是同意建立新大学。

此段功能

本段是文章的尾段,承接上文,重申论点。

  满分要素剖析

  一、语言表达

  1. The first advantage of having a new university built in my community would be the jobs it would bring to the community. 这句话的主干是The first advantage would be the jobs. 其余部分均为定语修饰,定语修饰分别是两种不同的形式,其一是常见的of……,这其中有个小结构have sth done, 意为让别人做某事,就是说这个新大学是让别人建起来的,作者一方面也在暗示读者这么大的工程一定需要很多工人,从而间接引出下文就业率的问题,这种写法及其微妙,只有精读时才能体会作者的用意。第二处定语的修饰是位于the jobs 后面的it would bring to the community,这是个省略掉that的定从,省略的原因是that在从句中做宾语。另外,注意到整段话的谓语都是用的虚拟语气would be, 这说明作者所说的情况都是建立在现实没有达到的基础上的,也就是说现在新大学还没有建立。

  2. Initially, the jobs would be those connected with the actual building of the university structures and other construction projects of related facilities.这句话同样是在定语上用了很漂亮的写法。主干为The jobs would be those. 后面的全部是定语,这样的修饰又是另一种手法,在语法上称作过去分词作定语。这样写的好处是比定语从句更加简洁了,同时又表达清楚了修饰成分的含义。举个例子,a broken glass, 这里的broken就是过去分词,修饰glass作定语,如果用定语从句来表达就是 a glass which was broken, 这样的写法显然略有啰嗦。至于本句型的connected with…..都放在了代词后面,是因为定语成分较长,习惯上放在后面说。例如后面的related facilities, related就放在了前面。

  3. Once built, the university would provide jobs on the campus itself. 这句话做了省略,它的原型是Once the university was built, the university would provide jobs on the campus itself. 从句和主句同时对现在虚拟,至于省略,是因为主句和从句的主语一致,所以在表达时可以省去从句的主语,这种情况在中文中也是很常见的,比如“因为参加这次比赛,让我们都意识到了团队精神的重要性。”前半句省略了我们。

  4. Not all of the people the university hired would already be members of the community, so that would mean new people coming to town. 这句话中的so that是引导结果状语从句的标准,另外值得一提的是,本段的立意很好,作者再用一种极有可能发生的假设去推断了一系列的连锁反应。由于要建大学,所以creating jobs,然而社区外的人也是有可能来新大学工作的,由此还促进了当地的人流游动,之后作者又写到With more people paying taxes, there would be more money for roads, public institutions and other community projects and necessities.这句话的With more people paying taxes是个独立主格结构,与后面的主句主语不相同,所以是个独立的小结构,这句话的逻辑原形是Because more people are paying taxes…而使用独立主格的结构会使得文章显得更加高档和简洁。从句意上理解,由于当地人群的增多导致付税总量增大,而税收又拉动了当地的公共设施的建设,从而拉动经济发展,可见作者经济视觉的敏锐,论证起来又那么合情合理。

  5. New services might mean local taxes would have to go up, even though there would be more taxpayers.本句话位于文章的第三段,主要讲述这件事的disadvantages,因为事情都是两面性的,比如每个人缴纳的税增多了,因为影响税收的因素有很多,比如当地经济如果发展的太快,国家会用宏观调控手段抑制过快发展,如果税收多了,人们的购买欲也就下降了从而导致经济渐渐进入平缓发展阶段。举个现实的例子,很好理解,现在中国的房地产炒的异常高,政府就发布了《国五条》,让卖二手房的卖家多交税。这里的逻辑非常严谨,并夹杂着经济常识,让考官眼前一亮,立即对考生的逻辑思维刮目相看。

  6. It would go from being a place where everybody knows everybody else to a place where a lot of people are strangers.这里出现了两个定语从句,第一个是修饰a place的where everybody knows everybody else to a place where a lot of people are strangers.第二个是这个定语从句中嵌套的一个where a lot of people are strangers修饰之前的a place.这里也说明了一个现实问题,有时候一个地方的人多了,大家可能都不认识彼此,这可能是由于生活节奏的加快,让人与人之间更加冷漠,这也是作者的一个暗示。

  二、逻辑结构

  本文的逻辑结构清晰明了,分为两方面阐述了在社区建立新大学的利和弊。最后作者抛出一句话A new university would bring a lot of challenges both academically and socially, but I think it would be worth it.即尽管上述谈到了a new university的一些弊端,但是仍然相信这样的做法是利大于弊的,所以可以付出一部分代价换来更多的好处。这样的逻辑结构很值得大家借鉴,在写作过程中不一定清晰哪方面就把这一方一写到底,可以把反方向也写出来,这样不仅会在思路上容易驾驭,而且会显得更加客观。

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