为了提高托福写作水平,让自己的托福写作分数更高,同学们使出了浑身解数,很多同学考虑的是如何应用经典美句,如何使用高级复杂词汇以及所谓高级的句式语法,却时常忽略要先打好基础。智课网小编为考生准备了托福写作185题库独立范文及解析,考生可以通过学习范文来掌握某些表达的正确用词,也能吸取经验,找到托福高分作文的技巧,希望对广大考生有帮助。【185题库免费下载】

  Your city has decided to build a statue or monument to honor a famous person in your country. Who would you choose? Use reasons and specific examples to support your choice.

  If my city has decided to build a statue to honor a famous person in my country, I would choose a late singer, Teresa Teng. She was born in 1950s, and died of a severe asthma attack at age 41 in May 1995 while holidaying in Chiang Mai, Thailand, triggering an outpouring of grief among her legions of fans in Asia and elsewhere. During her brilliant stage career, favored by fans all over Asia, she moved millions of people. Her famous songs include "sweet", "story of small town", and "the moon represents my heart", etc.

 

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此段结构

首段,第一句话根据题目要求回答问题,也就是陈述论点。接下来延伸论点,做背景介绍。

此段功能

首段为文章提供了背景,陈述了作者论点。

  It was said that it was her who introduced several generations in China to a certain field of popular music. Her songs have accompanied the growth and development of many people in China. In the home of these generations' soul, her sweet voice has become immortal beauty and memory. Although she's gone, her sound of singing has never vanished. She is constantly commemorated; from Beijing to Taipei, Hong Kong to Singapore, her ubiquitous fans observe her commemoration from time to time, cherishing her incredible beauty, and her voice that sounds to come from heaven. Her sweet songs made her a legend, and are still regularly heard on radio, and continue to have a following in Chinese communities all over the world.

 

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此段结构

本段是一个总分的结构。开头提出论点,即是邓丽君普及了流行音乐文化,并影响中国几代人。接着介绍在邓丽君过世之后,各地的歌迷们如何纪念她,如何没有把她放下,表现了邓丽君在这几代人中的持续的影响力。

此段功能

本段是文章第二段,提出了正文的第一个支持论点。

  She should be remembered not only because of her beauty and voice, but also because of her great charity. She founded "Teresa Teng Foundation" during her lifetime. The purpose of the foundation is to cultivate and support gifted artists, and at the same time the foundation includes a trust to distribute scholarship to make sure that art students have opportunities to accomplish what they actually can. Every year, The Teresa Teng Foundation also sends a great amount of money as a charity to help homeless children. And these activities are supported by her fans all over the world.

 

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详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是总分的结构,开头提出分论点,即除了声音,唱歌上的魅力,邓丽君还有其他值得人尊敬和喜爱的地方。接下来展开说明她在慈善事业上做出的贡献。

此段功能

本段是文章的尾段,提出和讨论了文章第二个支持论点。

  满分要素剖析:

  一、 语言表达

  本文的语言优美流畅,众多美好的描述,充满赞美的形容词打造出一个女神般的传奇的邓丽君,相比于规规矩矩提出来的分论点,作者全身心地在整篇文章中用语言和文字表达了自己对于邓丽君的喜爱和选择邓丽君的原因,内容丰富的区区几百字也胜过徒有列表的千万种理由,这是最具感染力和说服力的表达。尽管在逻辑结构上有不完整,但是语言上结实的功力掩盖过了结构上的瑕疵。

  1. She was born in 1950s, and died of a severe asthma attack at age 41 in May 1995 while holidaying in Chiang Mai, Thailand, triggering an outpouring of grief among her legions of fans in Asia and elsewhere. 这是作为介绍邓丽君的背景第一句话,在一句话内道尽了她的出生到死亡。be born in出生于和 die of死于。While在这里引导的是时间状语从句,trigger的现在分词做伴随状语,an outpouring of grief表示巨大悲痛的流露,legions of是取代many,lots of等烂熟的表达,在这里传达众多的,大量的意思。

  2. It was said that it was her who introduced several generations in China to a certain field of popular music. 这一句中值得注意的是it做主语的强调句,为了强调her,即邓丽君,所以将主语提出再做强调,后接定语从句补充内容。第一个it was said that的句型表示人们常说,是一个值得学习的结构。

  3. Her sweet songs made her a legend, and are still regularly heard on radio, and continue to have a following in Chinese communities all over the world. 在文中,作者用了很多种不同的表达来称赞邓丽君的歌声,sweet songs,her voice that sounds to come from heaven,her sweet voice,her brilliant stage career,made her a legend等等,作者的描述和用词让自己的赞美之情溢于言表.have a following是follow的活用,表示fans的追随和推崇。

  二、逻辑结构

  本文从两个方面证明了自己的论点。开头的回答问题和背景介绍十分全面,分论点从邓丽君的歌声魅力和人格魅力正面展开论述,可惜有头无尾,缺少总结,打破了完满的总分总的文章结构。

【托福写作在线批改】

  独立写作185题库是ETS公布的托福考试经典官方作文题库,收录在托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)的附录中,在托福考试改革之前,是作文真题的主要来源。现在的托福考试对官方作文题目进行了扩大,但是185题库仍然和考试作文真题紧密相连,为考生提供最权威最真实的托福范文参考和写作练习。SmartStudy的教学专家对185题库的逐题讲解,从考题精读,头脑风暴,范文展示,甚至是同类题型的归纳等多个方面切入,将平面简短的文题毁灭性地分崩离析,以思路指导清晰其面貌,以生动的观点和事例丰满其个性,提供更完整更立体的试题透视途径,准确击碎写作障碍。

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