为了提高托福写作水平,让自己的托福写作分数更高,同学们使出了浑身解数,很多同学考虑的是如何应用经典美句,如何使用高级复杂词汇以及所谓高级的句式语法,却时常忽略要先打好基础。智课网小编为考生准备了托福写作185题库独立范文及解析,考生可以通过学习范文来掌握某些表达的正确用词,也能吸取经验,找到托福高分作文的技巧,希望对广大考生有帮助。【185题库免费下载】

  Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Business should do anything they can to make a profit. Use specific reasons and examples to support your position.

  After I get my degree, I plan to start a business. My goal is to make a lot of money. However, I can’t forget that there are more important things in life than earning a profit. I must consider the people I work with, the customers I serve, and the community in which I live.

  My colleagues are a very important part of my business. Without them, I would not have a business. I depend on them to help me carry out day-to-day operations. I depend on them for their advice on what to sell and how to sell it. I must compensate them for their work. I can’t take large profits without sharing with the people who made it possible.

  Similarly, I would not have a business without my customers. I can never forget that they can take their business elsewhere if they choose. I must give them good value for their money. I can’t overcharge them. I must also remember that money is as important to them as it is to me. I want my customers to trust me and keep coming back.

  My employees and I all live in the same community as our customers. We are a part of the social life of our community. We can’t ignore it. We must play an active part in it. I feel it is important that some of the profits my business earns from the community be returned to the community. We need to support community programs like summer jobs for high school students, campaigns to clean up parks, and efforts to make shopping areas more attractive. A business must make profits, but we all—workers, customers, community—must profit from successful business and social relationships.

  满分因素剖析:

  一. 语言表达

  作者使用了很多短句,清晰地叙述了自己的故事。这是口语当中经常食用的技巧,能够方便读者理解,引起读者共鸣。

  1. However, I can’t forget that there are more important things in life than earning a profit.

  本句出现在第一段的中间部分,以however,直接对先前的论证进行转折让步。即先肯定问题的一方面,然后以however开头,强调问题的另一方面的重要性。这样不仅是文章在论证上更加完整,同时也加强了论证的力度。

  2. I must consider the people I work with, the customers I serve, and the community in which I live.

  本句出现在文中第一段的结尾,consider后面直接跟着三个分论点,后面三段便围绕着这三个主题展开。此句起到了承上启下的重要作用,使文章接下来的论证结构一目了然。

  3. I can’t take large profits without sharing with the people who made it possible.

  Can’t do sth without doing something,意思如果不做某事就做不成某事。Without引导的介词短语,做条件状语。在托福写作中,这种结构常常出现在反面论证中,即,说明不做某事引起的反面后果。Without引导的介词结构也可以用unless引导的条件状语从句替代。

  4. A business must make profits, but we all—workers, customers, community—must profit from successful business and social relationships.

  workers, customers, community作为插入语结构出现在句中,用来解释we all的含义。插入语结构在托福和GRE作文以及阅读中有着很广泛的应用,一方面可以解释句子中提到的概念,另一方面是扩充了句子的内容,是句子更加饱满。插入语可以出现在文中的很多地方,中间需用逗号隔开,当去掉插入语时,前后还可以成为完整的句子。在内容上,这句话比较有深度,提出了了“成功的商业活动中,所有人都应该获利”的观点。

  二、逻辑结构

  本文清晰的结构是其能获得满分的一个重要因素。本文采用大正论述结构,分别从workers, customers, community这三个角度来论述的,简单易懂,结构清晰。文章每一个段落内都是总分结构,非常中规中矩,而且举了一些生活中的例子,使得论证逻辑严谨,内容丰富。

  然而本文的一个美中不足在于作者将结尾句写在论证部分的第三段,而没有单独开辟一段作为结尾。这样在结构上可能让人认为文章缺乏结尾,从而影响文章的完整性。建议以后单独写一个结尾段。

  独立写作185题库是ETS公布的托福考试经典官方作文题库,收录在托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)的附录中,在托福考试改革之前,是作文真题的主要来源。现在的托福考试对官方作文题目进行了扩大,但是185题库仍然和考试作文真题紧密相连,为考生提供最权威最真实的托福范文参考和写作练习。SmartStudy的教学专家对185题库的逐题讲解,从考题精读,头脑风暴,范文展示,甚至是同类题型的归纳等多个方面切入,将平面简短的文题毁灭性地分崩离析,以思路指导清晰其面貌,以生动的观点和事例丰满其个性,提供更完整更立体的试题透视途径,准确击碎写作障碍。

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