为了提高托福写作水平,让自己的托福写作分数更高,同学们使出了浑身解数,很多同学考虑的是如何应用经典美句,如何使用高级复杂词汇以及所谓高级的句式语法,却时常忽略要先打好基础。智课网小编为考生准备了托福写作185题库独立范文及解析,考生可以通过学习范文来掌握某些表达的正确用词,也能吸取经验,找到托福高分作文的技巧,希望对广大考生有帮助。

  Some people think that human needs for farmland, housing, and industry are more important that saving land for endangered animals. Do you agree or disagree with this point of view? Why or why not? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  In the past, there have been many endangered animals. Now they are extinct. Does it matter? Has our environment been affected by their absence? Has the quality of our own life been changed? The answer to these questions is “Yes.”

  Yes. It does matter if we destroy an endangered species’ habitat in order to develop more farmland, housing or industrial parks. There is a delicate balance of nature: if one small part were to be removed, it would effect all the other parts. For example, if certain trees are cut down, bats will have no place to roost. If they cannot roost, they cannot breed. If there are no bats, there will be no animals which eat insects that plague our crops.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段结构比较复杂。第一句话引出了要讨论的背景,即濒危动物。后面对此进行了反问,并帮助引出了作者对这个问题的讨论。然后引出了作者的观点,即自然需要平衡。最后写了一个例子,用for example引出。本段实则可以分为两个部分,第一个部分引入,第二个部分深入讨论作者观点。

此段功能

本段是文章首段,引出要讨论内容,帮助作者陈述观点,摆明立场。

  Yes. Our environment has been affected by the absence of certain animals. Certain flowers are pollinated by butterflies, which migrate from Canada to Mexico. Some of the breeding grounds of these butterflies were destroyed. Now these flowers are disappearing from certain areas. We will no longer be able to enjoy their beauty because of the imbalances we have created in nature.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分总的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,我们的环境由于动物的灭绝会有一定程度的影响。后面是补充的一个例子,生动具体,帮助论证这个观点。最后一句话进行分论点的升华重述,即我们这样破坏环境就没有办法再享受自然的美丽了。

此段功能

本段是文章的第二段,也就是正文第一段,写了支持作者立场的第一个分论点。

  Yes. The quality of our life has been changed. America used to be covered with giant trees. Now we have to visit them in one small park. Rainforests around the world are being cut down to make room for humans. We will never be able to see or study this fragile ecosystem. I encourage humans to look for other alternatives for our farmlands, housing, and industries. We have alternatives; the animals do not.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分总的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,我们的生活质量也因为自然的改变而下降了。第二句话以后举了一个美国的例子,并告诉我们生态系统目前的脆弱。最后两句话升华论点,重申作者立场,鼓励人们开始保护环境,保护动物。

此段功能

本段是文章的第三段,也就是正文第二段,写了支持作者立场的第二个分论点。并在最后升华论点,重申作者立场。

  满分要素剖析

  一、语言表达

  文章给人的第一印象就是长难句比较多,用词比较优美,使得整体行文流畅,凸显了作者强大的语言功底。这样给作者的文章极大程度上的增光添彩了。虽然长难句不是万能的,但是没有长难句是万万不能的。

  1. It does matter if we destroy an endangered species’ habitat in order to develop more farmland, housing or industrial parks. 这句话是个长难句,主句为It does matter.意为这么做确实影响,主语It,谓语matter,强调词为does。之后是个条件状语从句if we destroy an endangered species’ habitat,这里的endangered为濒临灭绝的,之后的in order to develop more farmland, housing or industrial parks.为目的状语,这里的develop用得很是贴切,不应意为发展,而应该意为开发。相当于create创造出。

  2. There is a delicate balance of nature: if one small part were to be removed, it would affect all the other parts.这句话是个高度总结的句子,不仅其语言表达优美,又高度概括了之后所有段落议论的核心问题。在语法上又使用了对将来时间段的虚拟语气,if one small part were to be removed, it would affect all the other parts.

  3. Has our environment been affected by their absence? 这句话的亮点不仅在于是个设问句,而且表达非常简练,如by their absence,这个短语完全可以扩充为Has our environment been affected because many endangered animals died? 或是due to their absence相当于by their absence相当于because of their absence.

  4. Certain flowers are pollinated by butterflies, which migrate from Canada to Mexico.这句话是个非限制性定语从句,which指的是butterflies,之所以用逗号隔开,是因为butterflies与which之间联系不紧密,去掉这个从句意思上也是完全成立的,之所以加上这个定语从句,是细节的体现,细节的描写使得文章更加饱满,内容丰富生动,说服力强。

  5. Now these flowers are disappearing from certain areas. We will no longer be able to enjoy their beauty because of the imbalances we have created in nature.这两句话连起来有个很有趣的现象,第一句主语为物,第二句主语为人,由于物(flowers)的消失,导致后面人类(we)的损失,对仗工整且前后有因果逻辑。

  6. America used to be covered with giant trees. Now we have to visit them in one small park. Rainforests around the world are being cut down to make room for humans. We will never be able to see or study this fragile ecosystem. 第一句be covered with是覆盖的意思,比用have要高级。这里的亮点又是前后对比,只不过是时间上的对比,第一句是过去used to be, 而第二句为Now现在,第三句will为未来,这三句话前面影响后面,逻辑性极强。

  二、逻辑结构

  文章采用正正的形式,两个正面支持的段落支持了本文主要观点,即我们要保护环境,结构比较简单。本文段内结构复杂,都是总分总的形式,而且都辅有例子帮助证明观点,论证充分。本篇文章的特点是用设问句引领出了一系列的观点Has our environment been affected by their absence?作者在一下正文的三个段落都用了Yes对其进行回答,角度不同,分别是环境与人类生活质量的影响。

【托福写作在线批改】

  独立写作185题库是ETS公布的托福考试经典官方作文题库,收录在托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)的附录中,在托福考试改革之前,是作文真题的主要来源。现在的托福考试对官方作文题目进行了扩大,但是185题库仍然和考试作文真题紧密相连,为考生提供最权威最真实的托福范文参考和写作练习。SmartStudy的教学专家对185题库的逐题讲解,从考题精读,头脑风暴,范文展示,甚至是同类题型的归纳等多个方面切入,将平面简短的文题毁灭性地分崩离析,以思路指导清晰其面貌,以生动的观点和事例丰满其个性,提供更完整更立体的试题透视途径,准确击碎写作障碍。

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