为了提高托福写作水平,让自己的托福写作分数更高,同学们使出了浑身解数,很多同学考虑的是如何应用经典美句,如何使用高级复杂词汇以及所谓高级的句式语法,却时常忽略要先打好基础。智课网小编为考生准备了托福写作185题库独立范文及解析,考生可以通过学习范文来掌握某些表达的正确用词,也能吸取经验,找到托福高分作文的技巧,希望对广大考生有帮助。

  Some people believe that the Earth is being harmed(damaged) by human activity. Others that human activity makes the Earth a better place to live. What is your opinion? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.

  The quality of human life has improved greatly over the past century, but Earth is being harmed more and more by human activity. As we develop our technology, we demand more from our planet. Eventually, this will harm not only the planet but the people as well.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话用让步的方式点明了主旨。后面第二、三句话对主旨进行了简要分析。

此段功能

本段是文章的首段,对文章的讨论话题进行了引入,并点明了作者的主旨。

  Our planet gives us everything we need, but natural resources are not endless. Strip mining devastates whole regions, leaving bare and useless ground. Deforestation removes old growth trees that can't be replaced and increases runoff. Too much fishing harms fish populations to the point where they can't recover. We are too careless in taking what we want without giving anything back. There are more people than ever, living longer than ever. So is it any surprise that many areas suffer from too much development? Anyone living in or near a city has experienced "urban sprawl". There is a new shopping area on every corner and new houses, townhouses and apartments everywhere. Traffic gets worse and worse because planners can't keep up with growth. Keeping up with human demand is hard enough. Environmental concerns come in last if they are considered at all.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,即地球上资源不是无尽的。后面对主旨进行了简要分析。这里举了一个钓鱼对鱼类伤害的例子用以佐证观点。

此段功能

本段是文章的第二段,也就是正文第一段,写了支持作者立场的第一个分论点。

  There are more people than ever, living longer than ever. So is it a surprise that many areas suffer from too much development? Anyone living in or near a city has experienced "urban sprawl". There is a new shopping area on every corner and new houses, townhouses and apartments everywhere. Traffic jams get worse and worse because planners can't keep up with the growth of the cars. Keeping up with human demand is hard enough. Environmental concerns come in last if they are considered at all.

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分的结构,即人们更加长寿了。

此段功能

本段是文章的第三段,也就是正文第二段,写了支持作者立场的第二个分论点。

  With growth comes pollution. Companies and communities dump waste into water. Landfills are full of trash. Emissions from factories pollute the air. Barrels of industrial waste and worse, radioactive waste have no safe place for disposal. If we're not careful, we will harm our planet beyond repair. People need to respect the Earth and try to preserve it. If we don't, what kind of future will we and our children have?

 

内容

详细条目

段落

此段结构

本段是一个总分总的结构。首先第一句话即点明了主旨,即快速的发展给我们确实带来了环境隐患。后面第二句话进行了简要分析。最后用一个反问句引发大家思考,呼吁大家保护环境。

此段功能

本段是文章的第四段,也就是正文第三段,对全文进行了一个让步,承认了快速的发展给我们确实带来了环境隐患。并呼吁大家保护环境,升华全文。

  满分因素剖析:

  一、语言表达

  本文语句通顺,内容充实,清晰易懂。在句式方面,作者使用了很多复杂的从句的结构,同时使用了范文,倒装句,非谓语动词等结构,使文章语言富于变化。在用词方面,作者也十分讲究。作者用到了很多连词,副词,固定搭配结构,使得文章的逻辑层次清晰,论证一目了然。同时,作者用到了很多托福GRE中的高级词汇,很专业也很准确,传情达意生动形象,起到吸引读者眼球的作用。

  1. Eventually, this will harm not only the planet but the people as well.

  此句中,出现了一个托福作文中常见的结构not only..., but... as well,意思是“不仅...,而且...”,与not only but also 意思相同。前后跟并列的两个事物,可以作为并列连词and的一种高级替代。在结构方面,now only...,but as well,可以作为出现在首段,用来引出文章的分论点,可以出现在论证的第二第三段中,起到承上启下的作用,可以放在尾端,用来总结文章的分论点。

  2. Strip mining devastates whole regions, leaving bare and useless ground.

  此句中,用到了一个高级词汇devastates,作动词,意思是“破坏,摧毁”,同义词还有“destroy, damage”,不过devastates的程度更深一些,用在此处更加生动形象,体现出strip mining的破坏性。后面的leaving bare and useless ground是非谓语动词做状语的用法,此处表示结果,表达比一般的结果状语从句要简练。

  3. With growth comes pollution.

  此句是一个倒装结构。倒装句分为两类,完全倒装和不完全倒装。此句属于完全倒装,介宾短语with grow被整个提到谓语comes前,作为句子的句首。由于倒装句改变了正常的语序,在内容上起到了一定的强调作用,同时使得文章的表达更加生动,使考官眼前一亮。

  4. Deforestation removes old growth trees that can't be replaced and increases runoff.

  此句中,此句中用到两个高级词汇“deforestation和runoff”。Deforestation的字根是forest,做名词,意思是“滥砍滥伐”。Runoff的意思是“水土流失”。这两个高级词汇在此句中用的很贴切,十分具体的阐明了破坏环境造成的重要后果。

  二、逻辑结构

  文章采用的是正正补的结构,前两个正文段对全文论点进行了分析和支持,最后一个补充段落进行了让步,承认发展也确实给我们带来了很多的环境问题,这样让步的结构使得文章内容更加丰富,说理可信,因为观点中绝对的少,而相对的多。

【托福写作在线批改】

  独立写作185题库是ETS公布的托福考试经典官方作文题库,收录在托福考试官方指南(Official Guide)的附录中,在托福考试改革之前,是作文真题的主要来源。现在的托福考试对官方作文题目进行了扩大,但是185题库仍然和考试作文真题紧密相连,为考生提供最权威最真实的托福范文参考和写作练习。SmartStudy的教学专家对185题库的逐题讲解,从考题精读,头脑风暴,范文展示,甚至是同类题型的归纳等多个方面切入,将平面简短的文题毁灭性地分崩离析,以思路指导清晰其面貌,以生动的观点和事例丰满其个性,提供更完整更立体的试题透视途径,准确击碎写作障碍。

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