在雅思写作备考中,考生可以通过参考范文学习一些优秀的表达,还可以帮助我们扩展解题的思路。今天小编为大家分享的是雅思大作文范文赏析-无偿社区服务,希望对大家备考有一定帮助,我们一起来学习一下吧!

  雅思大作文考察中,同意或不同意(To what extent do you agree or disagree?),是每年考试的重点出题类型。而教育类话题又是最常考的话题类型之一,今天我们一起来赏析一篇学生习作,题目如下:

  Some people believe that unpaid community service should be a compulsory part of high school programs (for example working for a charity, improving the neighborhood or teaching sports to younger children) . To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  无偿社区服务应该成为高中的必修项目,你同意还是不同意?

  Recent decades have witnessed an obvious trend that a compulsory part of high school programs should be added to the unpaid community service(1). But there is a great deal of controversy about whether social service(2) should be made a compulsory subject. It is undeniable that students do many community service proper more beneficial to their study(3). So, I agree to add community service to the high school curriculum.

  (1)首先这一段结构完整,有合理的背景信息和观点表达,但是语言表达方面却有较多的问题。第一个划线句子 A should be added to B,A和B的顺序完全写反了,正确的逻辑关系应该是unpaid community service should be added into the high school programs as a compulsory part.

  (2)要学会合理使用指代词,上句主语community service在这句中再次出现,可用it代指,避免重复;compulsory形容词可使用同义替换词essential/obligatory etc。

  (3)句子语法出现大错误,句子的主谓宾应该是做社区服务是有益的,所以应改为doing community service properly is more beneficial to their study.

  According to a research, students will learn more efficiently when they relax properly and relieve stress. Because of the variety and difficulty of high school lesson, the learning pressure of high school students is enormous. I personally believe that great pressure exert an adverse impact on learning, and this is unfavourable for students to focus on lessons. So, teenagers could do some service to improve their grade.

  划线句子以so引出本段结论句,但是句意却和前文没有直接的因果关系。前文主体说的是学习压力大,那么结论应该是做社区服务可以放松心情,减缓压力。前文并未提及对学习的帮助,所以不能得出提高学习成绩的结论。务必注意段落的逻辑衔接。

  Allowing students to do some community service for a charity and neighbors will also promote the improvement of students’ moral character and help students have better values. Additionally, students will feel fulfilled and happy when they help others. Make a gift of rose, hand stay lingering fragrance. Therefore, community service, to some extent, render students virtuous in helping others.

  If students are allowed to carry out community service, it can relieve the social pressure and bring a lot of social attention to service. It is generally acknowledged that labor is an indispensable part of unpaid service. But, the problem of labor shortage is widespread in contemporary society, and a few people are willing to do community service and pay attention to it. Consequently, it will relieve the social pressure and bring a lot of social attention to the community service if energetic young high school students do a great job for community service.

  To conclude, community service is a good program for high school students. I personally believe that these program exert an advantageous impact on students’ mental health and grade.

  Exert :V-T If someone or something exerts influence, authority, or pressure, they use it in a strong or determined way, especially in order to produce a particular effect. 施加 (影响、压力); 运用 (权威),要注意词汇的准确搭配。

  以上是小编为大家准备的“雅思大作文范文赏析-无偿社区服务”相关内容,写作水平的提升是一个长期坚持的过程,希望大家通过自己的努力都能在考试中收获高分。


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