雅思写作5.5分实例解析!雅思写作考试总分是9分,但是大部分考生会拿到5分-6分这样一个比较基础的分数,那么什么样的作文是雅思写作5.5分呢,怎么提升和进步呢,来看相关介绍吧。

  以这个雅思题目为例:

  Some groups of people benefit tremendously from modern communication technology,but some others think it is not beneficial to them at all. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

  有一些人认为,从现代通讯技术可以获得巨大的好处,但也有一些人认为这并不有利于他们。你是同意还是反对呢?

  就这个题目,我们先来分析一位学生的5.5分雅思作文:

  第1段: With the widespread use of the Internet and technological progression, it is more easier to contact each other. Some people profit from modern communication technology,especially who are far apart from each other ,while others do not. From where I stand, there are some people can not enjoy the benefit from convenient communication in the information age.

  点评:作为开头段,本段思路是不错的,但是需要做如下修改:(1)progression - progress; (2) More easier - much easier; (3) especially who are far... - especially those who are far...; (4) there are some people cannot enjoy - some people cannot enjoy / there are some people who cannot enjoy; (5) 根据后文,增加了because of poverty and their age,开头段直接点出后面要论述的主题,增加文章的连贯性。

  第2段:To start with, people in remote area or impoverished countries where they still stay in touch with each other by letter or telegram could not enjoy the convenience from advanced communication techniques. They are not well-informed about the progress of those modern technologies owing to the limited news resources. In addition, many remote regions still do not have access to mobile phone coverage and the Internet. Because the local governments may not afford the fee in terms of the high cost of building some communication base station and burying optical fiber.

  点评:本段写得不错,如果这篇雅思作文的全文都能写到这个水平,6.5-7分都有可能,但存在问题:(1) may not afford不是一个常见的搭配,应该是cannot afford; (2) 通讯站,光纤之类可用communication infrastructure来统称,其中infrastructure的意思是“基础设施”。

  第3段:We can not deny the fact that that modern means of communication have became an indispensable part in people’s lives due to their merits. Email, smart phone, instant messaging programme (like Wechat,Line) and social networking websites (Twitter,Facebook) have greatly improved the efficiency and effectiveness of long-distance for many people. With signal covering, they enable people to contact with friends and family members wherever and whenever possible .Moreover, modern communication technology has lowered the costs of communicating. However, some people ,especially the elder, do not profit from the development of communication technology. It is of great difficulties for them to learn how to use email or instant messaging APP. Accordingly , the elder still utilize relatively original means of communication, like telephone and mails.

  本段问题最大,尤其是思路。本段论证“老年人无法享受现代通讯科技”,但本段前面一大段都在讲现代科技的优势所在,这是离题的。应该一开始就像第二段那样提出主题句,然后展开论证,即为什么老年人无法享受通讯科技。修改文提出了两个原因,一是他们习惯了传统方法,二是他们学不会现代设备,然后举爷爷为例,他不认识罗马字母,因此无法使用现代通讯科技。这样论证很清楚,很清晰。

  第4段: To conclude, I would concede that modern communication technology enable tons of people to enjoy the convenience. Despite that, some people , including people in remote areas and the elder, are not beneficial from these. Over all, I am convinced that government should provide funds for remote region to develop accesses to the Internet and mobile phone coverage. Also the media is supposed to popularize the advanced communication technology for the elder.

  点评:结尾段思路不错,仅有几个用词小错误。

  经修改后的6.5分雅思作文:

  With the widespread use of the Internet and technological progress, it is much easier to contact each other. Some people profit from modern communication technology, especially those who are far apart from each other, while others do not. From where I stand, I do find some people can not enjoy the benefit from convenient communication in the information age because of poverty or their age.

  To start with, people in remote area or impoverished countries where they still stay in touch with each other by letter or telegram could not enjoy the convenience from advanced communication techniques. They are not well-informed about the progress of those modern technologies owing to the limited news resources. In addition, many remote regions still do not have access to the Internet connection, because the local governments cannot afford the high cost of building the Internet and communication infrastructure such as the optical fiber.

  Furthermore, the elderly people also find that they can hardly benefit from the modern communication technology. They have been so used to the traditional ways of communication that some of them can never adjust themselves to the new methods. There are also some old people who find that they simply cannot learn how to use email or instant messaging APPs, though to the young, these are really simple applications. My grandpa is an example. His inability to recognize Roman letters makes it impossible for him to use any of these convenient means of communication.

  To conclude, modern communication technology enables many people to enjoy its conveniences. Despite that, some people , including people in remote areas and the elder, are not benefited from these. Over all, I am convinced that government should provide funds for remote region to develop accesses to the Internet connection. Also the media is supposed to popularize the advanced communication technology to the elderly. (307 words)

  雅思写作考试四大误区

  1:词伙和大词多用可以加分

  事实:作文并非是单词比赛。作文其实为的是交流。在中文中的著名的小说,著名的诗歌,著名的议论文,不管是哪一篇中是一堆大词?一堆词伙?一堆成语?好的文章其实就是内容的充实,句子的流畅,用词的恰当。考官一直都不是看着单词的“出现”而给分,应该是看着单词的“使用”而给分。

  2:字数越多,分数越高

  事实:雅思根本就没有安慰分与奖励分的说法。文章的质量把分数决定了(而不是字数)。若字数越多那么分数肯定就越高,那你下一次背好2个文章,直接写上去,写800单词,看看几分。

  3:换词可以加分

  事实:考官通常是会观察学生是不是可以使用不一样的方式去表达一个事情,相当于是表达的变化是写作能力的一个体现。但前提条件就是大家的表达变化是准确的,地道的。要不然考官只会扣分。譬如说“receivetreatment”有些同学觉得receive太简单,写成“acquiretreatment”。这个学生就是5.5分级别的学生,为什么?因为英文很烂,烂到不知道acquire和treatment不能连用。

  4:写复杂句和分词结构可以加分

  事实:句子变化成为了体现一个人的写作能力,但若大家的复杂句错误,是会被考官扣分的,而并非是加分。使用不恰当,譬如说套句,在不该用的地方却粗暴出现,如此还是会扣分的。譬如说很多同学喜欢用定语从句,“where have…”这就是5.5分。因为where引导的定语从句后面是独立的句子,不可能缺乏主语。考官不是因为你用了where就给分,而是看你用的对不对,恰当不恰当。

  3雅思小作文范文使用要注意的误区

  No.1 分析图表背后的原因

  此为中国学生都习惯会犯的错误,写作文时都爱写上为什么。雅思小作文范文其实就是客观性写作,一般只要求通过图表描述以及总结,不可以把为什么写上,不需要解释。

  No.2 连接词我用了,句子之间的连接也有了,完成文章就没问题了

  雅思写作考试在评分标准第二点里已经明确提及了连贯与衔接,这样能够看出一个很重要的得分参考点。但是大部分中国学生的作文里已经充满了then, after, before等如此单调的低级连接词,最后的得分肯定是不能上去的。合理的使用一些从句,关联词会使你的句子看起来更加精炼和有创意。

  No.3 趋势描写就是increase和decrease以及level off

  考生们在描写趋势的上升又或是下降时经常只会使用用到了一个increase & decrease+副词的模式。却根本不清楚要对上升下降的描写我们能够采取起码3种的描写方式动词+副词,形容词+名词以及把上升下降的词换做形容词来使用。这也就正好避免了评分标准四Grammatical Range and Accuracy(语法范围与精确)中的陷阱。

  No.4 有多少种属性分多少段,有多少图分多少段

  关于information的organizing 和paragraphing都是一个相当重要的得分参照点。剑4 TEST3里是一张技工,本科,学士,研究生,硕士还有博士的男女数量分布图。大部分考生在中间描述段的时候将其按照学位的排列顺序分成了六段来写,这又让你的内容变得复杂和臃肿了!为何不按照性别来分段呢?只需要两段就可以将图表内容梳理清楚。所以建议大家在动笔之前首先在自己的头脑中有一个最为清晰和直观明了的分段。

  4雅思作文模板正确的使用秘诀

  雅思作文模板是不是真的有用呢?大多数考生针对雅思写作都是很头疼的,特别是在大作文方面,所以雅思写作高分模板就变成了那些英语基础差考生的“救命稻草”,当碰到和自己所背诵雅思写作高分模板很像的内容时,便会很自然的用上了,雅思写作高分模板有助于大家更好的去理解高分写作的文章结构,但是也有一些考生说运用模板会扣分。建议大家最好总结一些雅思作文模板以及雅思写作高分范文。

  如今有许多考生都会在考写作前去准备不同种类题材的雅思作文模版,不论是借鉴其它人的优秀作文,或者是准备自己的模版,但有一些考生反映模版的准备针对最后成绩的提高没有多大的效果,有时还会把最终的成绩影响,还没有预期的好。有关这一点,事实上考官们对于模版是有相当强的辨别能力,只要发现写作是有模版的,就给分很低,因此有的写作很优秀的考生更甚会被评到很低的分数。所以建议考生们不要过度依赖雅思作文模版,相反要注重句型。

  以上为雅思写作5.5分实例解析,希望可以为大家提供一些参考,欢迎大家关注智课网,我们为您提供专业的备考指导。


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